How can i carry on when i feel this way?
What, when every single day seem worst than all the other ones?
Why am I just 18 and i have to feel this way and have all these problems in my mind like a storm of mosquitos?
Sholdn’t I be tranquil, calm, relaxed just like almost every 18’s person?
Why , on the earth, have I all these thoughts that are killing my breath?
Why, god, every time something seems good and perfect, do I found out that there are negative sides as well?
I feel lonely, depressed, anything is really important for me anymore. My life, my studies, my happiness.. everything seem only an habit.
To be completely honest.. if i ‘m studying it’s not for me. I feel as i couldn’t share my happiness with anyone. If i’ll get an education in that university and i’ll apply a good job then i’ll have done it just for my parents, to give them a better life, as the same as the one they have always given to me.
I’m feeling lonely. I hate this. I feel as everything is changing every day into someting worst.
I can’t believe in anything right now.I can’t believe in myselfe either. I’d need someone to be closer to me, especially now, instead it’s an argument every single day. I need that person, and that person seems to not understand it. All i’d need it’s to be reassured by him. To be comforted.. to see that i’m really the most important person in his life as he told me time ago.
But every time i start believing again in it, then something happen to ruine that beautiful thought of mine.
And every time starting again it’s still harder.
I feel as i’ve given all myself to a person, all my soul.
But do he is doing the same? Do he believe in me at all? Do I am not alone?
Everything i want now it would be being reassured with something, not with world only, with facts, not with the moon ofcourse, but just something little to let me understand that i’m completely wrong. I have always been sure about him, about the love of my life, can’t think now that it’s not that way anymore or somethign changed or that i was wrong. No. I just can’t do it.
Why my best friend does everything to comfort me, living far away from me too, why he always talk to me, even if he has got to study, or he is tired, or he is with theur friend, he always finds a moment, a lot of moments, for me and keeps helping me until i feel better again, and my boyfriend, who is supposted to do better, still does these things too but less?
Why can’t you understand that i’d need YOU to be closer to me and find the rights words to tell me when i feel bad instead of tell me them while you’re watching a movie or you are with others people?why can’t u understand the complessity of my feelings for you?and i’m not either allowed to say these things or just feel them.. cuz you think i’m saying them just to make u sad..instead it's all about the sadness i have inside. I’m starting hate my life now.. i wanted to come back to the summer, to that month, where everything seemed so perfect and special.. and even if it’s just a bad moment of my life, and i twill pass, i ‘ve fear, i’ve fear of everything.. i’m lost..
What, when every single day seem worst than all the other ones?
Why am I just 18 and i have to feel this way and have all these problems in my mind like a storm of mosquitos?
Sholdn’t I be tranquil, calm, relaxed just like almost every 18’s person?
Why , on the earth, have I all these thoughts that are killing my breath?
Why, god, every time something seems good and perfect, do I found out that there are negative sides as well?
I feel lonely, depressed, anything is really important for me anymore. My life, my studies, my happiness.. everything seem only an habit.
To be completely honest.. if i ‘m studying it’s not for me. I feel as i couldn’t share my happiness with anyone. If i’ll get an education in that university and i’ll apply a good job then i’ll have done it just for my parents, to give them a better life, as the same as the one they have always given to me.
I’m feeling lonely. I hate this. I feel as everything is changing every day into someting worst.
I can’t believe in anything right now.I can’t believe in myselfe either. I’d need someone to be closer to me, especially now, instead it’s an argument every single day. I need that person, and that person seems to not understand it. All i’d need it’s to be reassured by him. To be comforted.. to see that i’m really the most important person in his life as he told me time ago.
But every time i start believing again in it, then something happen to ruine that beautiful thought of mine.
And every time starting again it’s still harder.
I feel as i’ve given all myself to a person, all my soul.
But do he is doing the same? Do he believe in me at all? Do I am not alone?
Everything i want now it would be being reassured with something, not with world only, with facts, not with the moon ofcourse, but just something little to let me understand that i’m completely wrong. I have always been sure about him, about the love of my life, can’t think now that it’s not that way anymore or somethign changed or that i was wrong. No. I just can’t do it.
Why my best friend does everything to comfort me, living far away from me too, why he always talk to me, even if he has got to study, or he is tired, or he is with theur friend, he always finds a moment, a lot of moments, for me and keeps helping me until i feel better again, and my boyfriend, who is supposted to do better, still does these things too but less?
Why can’t you understand that i’d need YOU to be closer to me and find the rights words to tell me when i feel bad instead of tell me them while you’re watching a movie or you are with others people?why can’t u understand the complessity of my feelings for you?and i’m not either allowed to say these things or just feel them.. cuz you think i’m saying them just to make u sad..instead it's all about the sadness i have inside. I’m starting hate my life now.. i wanted to come back to the summer, to that month, where everything seemed so perfect and special.. and even if it’s just a bad moment of my life, and i twill pass, i ‘ve fear, i’ve fear of everything.. i’m lost..
posted by Esperide at 10:38 AM
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